Slow
it down
Let’s say
he’s in the living room on the recliner and nature calls. So you put on a gait
belt, help him stand with the walker, transfer to the wheelchair, put up the
footrests, wheel him to the bathroom or where the commode chair is, lock the
wheelchair, take down the footrests, transfer to the toilet--
You get
the idea. Fast just doesn’t happen. He may want things to happen
quickly—be it being transferred somewhere, getting lunch or something fetched
from across the room—but the word fast is now out of your vocabulary. Hey, they
didn’t respond quickly in the hospital and rehab. In general, you don’t need to
either.
You might
be cooking or cleaning or simply putting your aching feet up. Some things can
wait a few minutes. And even when there are more urgent needs, safety protocols
are more important. Don’t skip moving him safely for anything! He’s anxious;
you don’t need to be.
Time
for you
Well-meaning
friends will say, “Be sure to take time for yourself.”
Excuse me
a moment —chortle, snort, ha ha, maniacal
laughter—
Yeah, not
happening. At least, not at first. Time for myself consisted of a quick shower,
or working a crossword puzzle in the paper. Or maybe sleeping.
You’re on
call 24/7, and initially that’s all you can do. Be kind to yourself. You
don’t have to do more than you’re doing. It won’t be perfect, so don’t
worry about that. You’ll run over his toes with the wheelchair or walker and
you’ll manage to bump whatever hurt parts he has. It happens. Forgive yourself
in advance. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s more than enough.
Most of
your “me” time is spent in trying to coordinate equipment, doctor visits, bills,
and groceries—and whatever else you have to do. Don’t try to be a
super-caretaker and do it all. Just the basics, no more.
You’re
wrong
Yeah,
yeah, yeah. You’ve rammed the wheelchair into the woodwork. You burned dinner
when the doctor’s office called. You put carrots in the stew again. And you’re
not cheery enough.
You’re
doing it all wrong. Except you aren’t. You’re just being told it’s all wrong.
You’re actually doing what’s right, and being safe about it. You’re protecting
yourself so he has a caretaker, for gosh sakes. But there are days---believe
me, your patience will be tried! But do your best to ignore the complaints.
He’s obviously not at his best, and probably trying to do the best he can, too.
Don’t take on his moods. Go be unavailable for a spell. It will do you
wonders.
Here’s
another place a friend can help by lending a sympathetic ear. That can do
wonders, too.
