On
Getting Help
People
will say, “Call me if you need help.” But they aren’t specific and you don’t
even know what kind of help you need. Even though it’s meant well, it gets
frustrating pretty quickly when you can’t respond to their inquiries. You’re
still in shock from all that’s happened.
I’m
fortunate that I’m a member of a caring church. They can be a great resource.
If you’re not part of such an organization, you likely have family members,
neighbors, or other groups who can pitch in. Once you discover what you need,
let someone in those groups know. And yes, the needs will make themselves known
eventually.
For
example, when my husband came home, we discovered that it was extremely
difficult to put him to bed at night. He was basically immobile and as I said,
a pretty large guy. The best I could do left his lower legs and feet sticking
off the end of the bed, which I propped up with pillow wedges.
Our
pastor stopped by early and I mentioned that to him. Suddenly, friends were
calling and saying they would like to drop by in the evening to help me shift
his inert form with a transfer sheet. Wonderful! Later, a home therapist showed
me how to use body mechanics so I could pivot him into position by myself.
Eventually, he regained enough strength to make adjustments himself.
Regarding
helpers, most people will be happy to do a one-off, and something that doesn’t
take more than an hour or so. It’s the rare individual that will do more, and
you don’t want to wear them out. Here are a few things you could suggest when
people offer to help:
- · Getting the injured one in and out of a car, for a particular doctor appointment, etc.
- · Bringing a dinner or other meal
- · Stopping by to chat with the patient
- · Bringing books, cookies, candy, etc.
- · Sitting with your loved one while you run an errand
- · Mowing the lawn
- · Vacuuming a specific room (living room, patient’s room)
- · Delivering groceries
- · Walking the dog
- · Running simple errands (like mail, cleaners, drug store items)
- · Deciphering medical statements and bills
- · Loaning medical equipment (shower chair, transport chair, walker, etc.)
- · Making a phone call to the patient or sending a card
We even
had a friend who built a scrap-wood ramp for our front door threshold, so it
was possible to get my husband in and out of the house on the transport chair.
What a fabulous gift!
Some
things can’t be relegated to friends, however. Sponge baths, hygiene changes,
bathroom clean-ups—you’re pretty much stuck with these. Getting up in the
middle of the night several times is your job, too, unless you have a close
family member who can help you.
With Hip
#1, I ended up hiring a caregiving service (many of which are not covered by Medicare,
by the way) to help with getting my husband up, bathed and dressed in the
mornings. They also worked some of his physical therapy exercises with him and
occasionally did some light housework. We used them for about a month until he
was more mobile and I could do those tasks myself. Although it was helpful, it
was expensive, and we had 10 different caregivers in that short time span. By
the time I oriented all those individuals and gathered cleaning or medical
equipment, I could have done the job myself! And I’m still looking for
misplaced items in the kitchen.
If you
can get one particular person to come all the time, that’s a much better
solution. Ask your friends if they know someone like that.
With Hip
#2, which happened during the coronavirus stay-at-home phase, I wanted to
minimize disease exposure, so opted to do the work myself. I wouldn’t recommend
this for a first-timer, though. I knew what to expect, had all the equipment,
and remembered how to maneuver him around. I still felt ground down, however,
both physically and mentally. If circumstances had been different, I would have
gladly welcomed someone coming in, to share chores or just to give me a break.
Another
good source of help is accessing all the different kinds of deliveries that
are available now. If you’re in a reasonably-sized urban area, there are
likely several services that come right to your front door. Among these are
groceries, prescriptions, and restaurant meals. Curbside service that popped up
during the coronavirus era may still be available as well.
Yes, it
is somewhat pricier to shop this way, but I found it was well worth what my
time would have cost. And there were times I just couldn’t leave him alone.
In small
towns or rural areas, perhaps a neighbor’s driving teen can be hired as your
delivery person. Ask your friends and colleagues if they know someone who’d
like a few extra bucks.
And
Amazon/Walmart.com/etc. can deliver whatever else you need.
Use
these. You’re in a crisis and it’s OK. You’re not going out or spending the
money otherwise. It will help you feel more independent.
And gee,
aren’t you being resourceful? Go admire yourself in your crown!
