Routine
After
rehab, we were assigned several in-home therapists who came multiple times a
week. It felt like I needed to exchange my front door for a revolving one—so
many people were in and out of the house, and all had to be let in by me! But
eventually, we fell into a routine for that and the smaller stuff. What seemed
cumbersome before—all that locking and unlocking of the wheelchair, the
transfers, the bedtime tasks—became almost habit. That’s when I could see small
improvements my husband was making, and I made sure to let him know. When it’s
a long healing process, even tiny advancements can feel like milestones. Ask the therapists to confirm your
observations—after all, you’re a significant other and supposed to be
supportive; but an outside opinion can be gold.
Try to
establish a routine time for bathing, medicine, meals, sleep—these are
things you can control. It will make the day go smoother and help over rough
patches. It’s a common pattern to have
both good days and bad days, seeming to alternate at first, with more good days
later. So don’t worry if you and your spouse are experiencing a bad day. Call
your health professional if needed, or just chalk it up to being less than you
want. Remember, good days await.
Communication
Yeah,
this can be tricky. Grumpiness is a sign that they’re getting better,
but it’s a pain for the caregiver. Heck, you may feel grumpy as well, with the
extra workload and lack of sleep. We know you’re normally sweet-tempered and
kind, as evidenced by your crown. Go stand by the mirror and remind yourself
how nice you are.
It is
important, however, that your injured one can get hold of you when there’s an
urgent need. Cell phones, cheap baby monitors—these work well. My husband has
an antique “sick bell” he’d gotten from his cousin, something his
great-grandfather used when he was ill and needed to summon help. It has a
distinctive ring that can be heard, unfortunately, all over the house. I think,
when this recovery stuff is all over and done, that bell may get lost or its
clapper may become mysteriously dislodged. Yeah, that’s it—missing clapper—
Actually,
you, as caregiver, need to set boundaries. Can you be awakened to pillow-fluff
in the middle of the night, or just for pee-emergencies? And if you’re in the
midst of something, can he interrupt at will? Let him know what’s acceptable
and what isn’t. Do keep in mind that bed-bound people can’t do much for
themselves, but push him to do what he can. He’s still in shock from everything
and maybe not thinking straight. But the more he can do, the less helpless
he’ll feel. And the more free you’ll be to do normal things.
